i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
