I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
