I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
NoShamevember. You game?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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