Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So many bounce houses so little time
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
