That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
