i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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