From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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