I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
