Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
