im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
