I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
nutella sex= disaster
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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