There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
