so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
