How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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