well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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