I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
