woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize