I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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