Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
