yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
