my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
