this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're a waste of cheezeits
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
