He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
