Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
