Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
