I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
