i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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