What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
