If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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