He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize