So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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