is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
