So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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