he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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