Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He told me they were just razor bumps!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
