We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize