i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
