I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
