I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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