like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
