you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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