I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
