You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
