That's intense
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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