At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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