i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize