I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize