Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She bit a glass in half.
Houston, we have a squirter
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize