the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want to fling myself into the sun
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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