She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
too bad you live with your parents still
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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