woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
