Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
