even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
