i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you never un-have a 4some
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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