yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
