yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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