All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize