You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize