covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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