im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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