I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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