This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
