just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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