so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
