So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this beer tastes like vomit already
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
